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Emotional Intelligence

When we think of success, we think of intelligence levels, creativity and perseverance. We’re unlikely to think about the part that emotions play. However, research shows that as much as 87% of our success comes from soft skills such as emotional intelligence. So, is your emotional intelligence holding you back from success?

Emotional intelligence is complex. However, there are typically five aspects that all play an essential part in your emotional intelligence makeup;


This is the ability to recognise and understand your own emotions. Furthermore, you can monitor and identify all of the emotions you are feeling and how they may affect your actions. It is also important to have the self-awareness to see how your actions and emotions affect others.

Social skills

Interaction with others is a critical aspect of emotional intelligence. The way you put your social skills to work through communication, forming positive impressions and building relationships is vital for both your personal and professional life.


Being able to self-regulate means you can express your emotions appropriately. Furthermore, you can be flexible with how you feel so that you can adapt well to change.


Having a high level of emotional intelligence can be a tool to keep you motivated. It enables you to fulfil your needs and achieve your goals. It goes beyond fame, recognition and money. Instead, it focuses on the need to succeed by being proactive and enjoying experiences while also knowing how you can do things better.


Empathy not only allows you to recognise emotions in others but to be able to understand and respond appropriately. Being highly empathetic will enable you to understand the dynamics of people and their emotions and how they can influence relationships and situations.

Do you lack emotional intelligence?

There are lots of signs of low emotional intelligence which may be familiar to you. If you experience any of these, don’t worry. I’ll offer my tips on how to improve your emotional intelligence for each situation.


If you find yourself in lots of arguments and disputes, it may be because you are failing to understand how you and the other person are feeling.

Fix it: It is important to respond, rather than react. Try to stay calm and remember that the goal of the conflict is not to win, but to resolve it together. Keep this in mind, so that your words and actions demonstrate this goal, rather than being impulsive and creating a bigger problem.

‘They’re too sensitive.’

Often, people who do not have high emotional intelligence will believe that others are being too sensitive rather than they are insensitive. It could be that someone may find it challenging to understand the emotions of others and the tone of a situation which could lead to inappropriate comments and then an outburst that they then deem to be ‘oversensitive’.

Fix it: Try to practice active listening skills where you pick up on nonverbal clues and the details of the conversation. This not only shows respect to the speaker but allows you to gauge the tone of the situation and enable you to determine the emotions of the individual to avoid making inappropriate comments.

Running away

Whether it is simply apologising in an argument just to end the situation or hiding away when you’re feeling emotional, if you tend to run away from emotional fallout, you may not feel comfortable with emotionally charged situations. However, hiding your emotions and struggling to share how you’re feeling with others can be a sign of low emotional intelligence.

Three top tips for improving your emotional intelligence

Recognise your stressors

When you can identify the activities and experiences that can cause emotional outbursts and make you feel stressed, you can be proactive in either removing the stressor or managing it better. This could be something as simple as refusing to look at your emails at night or turning your phone off entirely when you need some downtime.

Practice positive thinking

Improving your emotional intelligence will not automatically mean you will no longer have emotional outbursts; emotional intelligence evolves and does take practice. However, there may be situations that send you into a meltdown. Just remember that you can bounce back from adverse situations by being positive and optimistic. Don’t dwell on negativity. Instead, look for constructive actions and then focus on being positive.

If you want to improve your emotional intelligence, then my blended therapy can help equip you with the tools and strategies to recognise and respond to emotions in the most effective way for your needs.


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