Unmasking the Narcissist: Key Insights into Narcissistic Relationships

Do you personally know or live with anyone who is especially inconsiderate and selfish? On the other hand, do they appear seemingly delightful and friendly? Are you constantly being put down, dismissed, blamed for issues, and compelled to feel everything will always be your fault?

You may be dealing with a narcissist.

1 of 10 personality disorders described within the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders is a narcissistic personality disorder.

Having an exaggerated sense of self-worth, narcissists create their identity through the adoration and approval of others. Relationships tend to be superficial and focused on how others reflect on them and have little to no empathy for other people. Genuinely believing they are better than other people, they feel intense shame when they make mistakes or are faced with criticism.

Whether you are dealing with narcissistic abuse or may have realized you have narcissistic tendencies yourself, there is help.

Signs of a Narcissist

Narcissists are entirely and stubbornly focused:

On themselves
What they “deserve” in life
Their status
Right to appreciation and attention from everyone else
Superiority to the rest of the world

The way others matter to a narcissist:

Always acknowledge and respect the narcissist’s importance and dominance in every sense, and
Are useful to them in some way.

If you fail to meet the requirements of a narcissist, you may be criticized, abused, bullied, or ditched.

Signs you may be showing narcissistic tendencies:

People are put off talking about your success.
You feel like others are dumb.
You are sick and tired of being the only person who gets it.
Your life feels frustrating rather than fun.
You have many failed relationships and very few if any long-term friends.
You end up doing most of the work or work by yourself on a project.
You feel insulted when others don’t give you attention or acknowledgement you feel you deserve
When others disagree with you, you’re easily upset

Narcissistic Abuse

Abuse from a narcissist, during and in the aftermath, can leave you feeling fatigued and emotionally drained. Victims tend to be trauma-bonded, addicted to the cycle of abuse, connected to the love-bombing, degrading, and rejecting cycle before being ready for no contact. Once contact is broken it will feel like no other kind of break-up, as a victim will have trouble moving forward in many parts of their life.

Survivors usually realize they’ve been a victim of narcissistic abuse when they are deep within the relationship and may find themselves desperately trying to make the relationship work but are met with their efforts hindered. Letting go is a challenge for victims, as more often than not they find themselves stuck and eager to make the relationship work.

Symptoms of complex PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder) may emerge in victims of narcissistic abuse, who may struggle to manage their day today.

Survivors may experience low self-esteem and confidence, anger, disbelief, insomnia, panic attacks, anxiety, triggering moments, and more.

Despite all of this, at their centre, most narcissists are good people and don’t mean to act this way. We need to understand that narcissism is a way people have learned to cope with feelings of shame, insecurity, and vulnerability while they attempt to avoid a constant sense of possible humiliation.

How Hypnotherapy Can Help with Narcissism

Starting with the basics, let’s identify your narcissist. There are two types according to Psychology Today:

Vulnerable narcissist—a person with a weak inner heart who’s self-centred/absorbed
Grandiose—believe they are better than everyone else; overly arrogant and selfish

It is best to take a peaceful route when dealing with vulnerable narcissists as they are less confident than those who identify as grandiose. To avoid fueling a narcissist’s behaviour, avoid the use of harsh language and be quiet and confident in your own capabilities. Grandiose narcissists can be used as a positive member of a group or team, if you can “get that person on board” with the team’s ideas, according to Psychology Today.

The number one tool in your arsenal against narcissism is confidence and self-esteem. Making the realization that their behaviour is not about you, no matter how they may spin any criticism or blame towards you.

Narcissists feed on fear, therefore they target those who they see as weak and low in self-confidence. To combat this, we need to gain inner strength and confidence to rebel against any narcissistic vibes that may come at us.

An effective confidence technique is starting your day with positive affirmations. To start, you can check out my piece on confidence, Not Feeling “Good Enough”? I’ve Got Confidence for You, for some insight and tips.

Another way to deal with the narcissists in our lives or recover from narcissistic abuse is through hypnotherapy

Helping you deeply relax when stressed
Understand patterns of narcissism
Help to build your determination and self-confidence
Use psychological approaches to improve your position
Get free from blame and stay free

Did you know that people with narcissistic personality disorder often suffer from low self-esteem? Not only are they trying to “prove themselves” to others, but also their not-so-confident inner child most importantly.

Hypnotherapy is not only helps those who are survivors of narcissistic abuse but also those who may have identified their narcissistic behaviours and wish to break free of their patterns.