Narcissistic Manipulation Tactics and How to Deal With Them
Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is a mental health condition characterized by an excessive sense of self-importance, a constant need for admiration, and a lack of empathy towards others. People with NPD often have an inflated sense of their own abilities and achievements, and they may belittle or disregard the feelings and opinions of others. NPD can have a significant impact on relationships, both personal and professional, and it can be challenging to treat. If you or someone you know is struggling with symptoms of NPD, seeking professional help can be an important step towards healing and growth.
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Common Narcissistic Manipulation Tactics
While calling behaviors “narcissistic manipulation” can seem severe, many people are victims of narcissistic methods. Narcissists and people with narcissistic behaviors will show a pattern of manipulation that seeks to isolate and control their victims. If you think someone is using manipulation tactics on you or someone you know, being able to spot these strategies can help you set boundaries against them. Let’s look at several common narcissistic manipulation tactics you might have encountered.
1. Gaslighting
Gaslighting is a tactic narcissists may use to make you doubt your memories, thoughts and understanding. Essentially, a narcissist will try to convince you that something didn’t happen or isn’t their fault, even if that’s not true. Blaming the victim, twisting facts and denying events are all common ways gaslighting can occur. Over time, being gaslit enough can make the victim feel insecure, confused and like they can’t trust themselves or their world.
2. Playing the Victim
Playing the victim is another manipulation tactic. In this strategy, the narcissist positions themselves as the person who is being wronged and suffering when they are actually initiating the conflicts. The narcissist might create or manipulate situations to make them seem sympathetic. They might also exaggerate their struggles to seem like they’re going through a hard time. Narcissists play the victim to avoid taking responsibility for their actions and manipulate other people into feeling sorry for them.
3. Projection
Projection happens when the narcissist puts their own actions, feelings or thoughts onto others. For example, if the narcissist is lying about something, they might accuse a friend or partner of lying. Accusing others of their own actions and feelings lets narcissists put blame on others. They also get to avoid confronting their own issues and keep the responsibility for those actions off themselves.
4. Love Bombing
Love bombing is a manipulation tactic narcissists will use to reel someone in at first. They shower their partner or target with lots of affection — compliments, gifts, attention and special events. Grande gestures and declarations of love are common as well. All of this affection in the early stages makes the target feel loved, appreciated and like they can trust the narcissist. Once this intense, early affection has hooked the target, the narcissist will show their true colors while using the trust from the initial love bombing to manipulate the victim into staying with them.
5. Triangulation
Triangulation is a technique that involves creating tension or conflicts between people and groups. This tension-creation lets the narcissist feel powerful, as they can manipulate and control their targets. Typical triangulation strategies include playing people against each other, gossiping or spreading rumors to create tension and conflict. This tension can make the narcissist feel superior and in control over one or more people.
6. Hoovering
Hoovering is another narcissist’s manipulation tactic. Named after the famous vacuum brand, this method’s goal is to bring targets back after they have put space between them and the narcissist. Narcissists will make all the apologies and promises to change to get the victim back with them. They might even try to make the victim feel guilty or responsible for the issues the narcissist caused. A narcissist will try everything from emotional blackmail to lies and manipulation to regain control over the victim.
7. Smear Campaign
A smear campaign involves the narcissist spreading rumors or lies to harm someone’s reputation and isolate them from their support network. Portraying the victim in a negative light keeps them from getting the trustworthy emotional connections they need, giving the narcissist more control over them. During this tactic, the narcissist might also lie or exaggerate to make them seem more innocent, trustworthy or superior compared to the victim.
How to Deal With Narcissistic Manipulation Attempts
Dealing with narcissistic manipulation can be challenging. A narcissist might make you feel alone or guilty, even if you’ve done nothing wrong. However, there are strategies you can use to help protect yourself from these tactics and maintain your well-being despite the narcissist’s attempts. Use these strategies to help you deal with manipulation tactics:
Spot the manipulation: Knowing what you’re dealing with is the first step in managing manipulation tactics. Understanding the manipulation tactics and how they work can help you identify when you’re being manipulated. If you know someone is trying to manipulate you, you can ground yourself and reassert your trust in your own perception of things.
Set boundaries: Set clear boundaries with the narcissist and communicate with them assertively. You have to enforce your boundaries firmly. Otherwise, the narcissist will attempt to push them over time. Be firm in your refusal to engage in conversations or activities that make you uncomfortable.
Limit contact: You might have to consider limiting or cutting contact with the narcissist. If their presence in your life becomes too toxic, overwhelming or manipulative, it’s OK to step away. Limiting contact can be setting boundaries about communication or removing yourself from their life completely. Put your mental health first and only engage with the narcissist if it fits within your boundaries.
Trust yourself: If a situation feels manipulative or even just off, trust your gut and step away. Narcissists rely on manipulation tactics to make you doubt yourself and compromise, giving them control. Prioritize your well-being and pull back whenever a situation feels unhealthy to you.
Seek support: Narcissists may try to use their tactics to isolate you, framing themself as the only person you can trust. Try to surround yourself with a support network of people who can help.
Try professional help: If you think the manipulation tactics are having a significant effect on your mental health, consider turning to a professional for help.
Set Strong Boundaries With Support From a Therapist
Spotting narcissist control tactics and setting boundaries against them can be challenging on your own. Build a strong support network with help from a therapist.
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