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How to Set Relationship Goals

Setting relationship goals is a way to commit to something together and show each other you care about the relationship and one another. When you write down a list of goals together, you are showing each other the relationship is a priority and has a future. Developing goals will encourage you to work as a team to enhance and sustain the relationship.

Steps for Creating Relationship Goals

Making goals doesn't have to be complicated. Here is a basic set of steps to follow when creating goals with your partner:

  1. Brainstorm separately: take time to think about goals individually before sharing with your partner. Think about what you want to get out of this practice and what goals will help you achieve that.

  2. Come together to discuss your ideas: after brainstorming goals on your own, you can begin to share your ideas with your partner. You may find your partner came up with things you never thought of that you would like to work on, or you may come up with new ones together.

  3. Decide which goals you want to focus on: reach a conclusion together about what goals you want to set. It may be helpful to start with just 3 short-term and 3 long-term relationship goals.

  4. Set realistic deadlines: you don't need to be too ambitious with deadlines because it takes time and trial and error to make a lifestyle change. Remember illnesses and setbacks happen, so it may be helpful to anticipate them or expect the deadline to change.

  5. Check in regularly: evaluate how where you are in the process of reaching your goals to determine the progress you have made. This can double as nice quality time with your partner and can be done over a nice dinner or a scenic walk.

How To Make Your Goals a Reality

Through all of the ups and downs in a relationship, it can be hard to stay committed to relationship goals. But there are ways to get past obstacles and stay on track.

When you first move to set relationship goals, it may be hard to agree on them. Every person has different ideas of what the future looks like, which naturally can result in discord. To combat this, be sure to compromise. If one of you wants to have sex five times a week, for example, and the other prefers three times a week, it may be beneficial to compromise on four nights of intimate sex per week.

Obstacles will also come up that can interfere with the regular action you agreed to take to reach your couple's goals. If something comes up that makes goals hard or impossible to achieve, the important thing is to be honest and talk to your partner about it. Hopefully, your partner will be understanding and you can find a way to change the goal to make it more feasible for both of you.

Benefits of Setting Goals Together

Setting goals together will help you and your partner bond. Committing to a goal together also means committing to each other. Goal setting will help you develop healthy relationship habits and learn how to lean on one another to complete something.

One study showed how partner support helps promote making progress on your goals. The study also revealed that setting and working towards your goals will have physical, psychological and relational benefits for both you and your partner.

Overall, regardless of what stage you are in your relationship, setting goals is beneficial. Working toward mutual couple goals and making progress on them is sure to improve the quality of your relationship and bring you and your partner closer together.


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