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How to Keep the Spark in Long-Term Relationships One of the biggest challenges

One of the biggest challenges of marriages and long-term relationships is how to maintain the proverbial spark.

Human beings have struggled with maintaining excitement in long-term relationships for many centuries and millennia. So, how do ignite the spark in long-term relationships?

Literature is full of elaborate descriptions of love, passion, and romance that seem reserved for the young and new relationships. Authors and poets have long bemoaned the struggle to find and capture this experience over their lifespans.

Even in the most stable and connecting relationships, the sexual spark is often elusive and hard to maintain, leading to relationship distress, conflict, resentment, and boredom. This begs the question as to why people pursue long-term relationships.

There are numerous ways to understand the drive toward long-term relationships and connections. Among them are evolutionary, survival, existential, and meaning.

Relationship quality matters

To establish a lasting spark in long-term relationships, both people need to feel that the connection is safe, comfortable, and supportive. Many long-term relationships face challenges, and people often feel disconnected, lonely, and resentful when with a partner.

It is unlikely that any spark could be present in this atmosphere. If your relationship is struggling or you feel pronounced negative emotions toward your partner, you should address this before anything else.

Make Sure to Have a Joyful Time Together

The ability to laugh with one another is a true sign of vitality in a relationship. It’s important to be able to share in and experience joy together. A sense of humour helps smooth the waters when our interactions become stormy. Being able to laugh at our shortcomings and at our partner’s idiosyncrasies can steer us away from unwarranted dramas and keep our relationship alive.

2) Be Open to New Experiences

When a relationship gets closer, couples often risk growing apart by closing off to new experiences or limiting each other in certain ways. Love doesn’t exist in a vacuum. We have to share time and activities to keep it thriving. Pay attention to what makes our partners happy, and their interests, and be careful not to take actions that will restrict that happiness.

3) Show Your Love, Don’t Hold Back

Love doesn’t exist unless it is treated as a vital and living force between two people. Saying “I love you” holds far less meaning than showing our love to someone. Show excitement when you see each other, make time to just talk, and be sure to make spontaneous affection part of your everyday life. Small steps, like holding hands and making eye contact, are easy to overlook in the face of busy schedules and responsibilities, but they can be key to keeping love exciting.

4) Keep Your Identity as an Individual

Losing yourself in love is one of the biggest threats to maintaining intimacy. Getting close to someone shouldn’t mean fusing our identity or losing respect for our innate separateness. Couples should try to complement and support each other in an effort to become their fullest selves instead of merging together to become something else. Appreciate your partner’s unique interests and enjoy them for the vital individuals they are.

5) Don’t Be Defensive, Engage in Open Communication

Inviting open communication and being receptive to feedback can help us overcome the real obstacles in our relationships. Instead of making excuses or counterattacking when our partner gives us feedback, we should look for the kernel of truth in what they’re saying. Think about what applies and be compassionate to how they feel. In this same manner, you should seek to be direct and honest with your own feelings.

6) Remember to be Generous

Being generous involves being giving of yourself, but it also means being accepting of what’s given to you. Be sure to show appreciation, even when gifts and acknowledgement are hard for you to receive. When it comes to the natural give and take in a relationship, it’s important not to keep score. Being generous will make you feel warmly toward your partner and good about yourself, two elements that keep the spark alive.


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