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How to Have the Sex Talk With Your Partner Nurturing a Productive and Enlivening Dialogue

A variety of issues can cause distress, including problems with sex and sexual satisfaction. Even though this can be a common problem among married couples, having sex talk with your partner can be daunting. It may even seem easier to talk to a stranger online about what you're experiencing than to discuss it with your partner—which may explain why the topic of sex is so commonly discussed in online relationship forums.

These conversations can bring up a lot of anxiety, which can then cause you to avoid having them altogether. Know that there are some strategies to make these tasks easier, and you're likely to find it worth the effort.

Reasons to Have a Sex Talk

If you're experiencing issues with your sex life, you may want to consider having a sex talk with your partner. Research has found that couples who have strong sexual communication are more satisfied with their sex lives.

Open communication can lead to greater feelings of intimacy and a stronger relationship (and it's important to note that in general, talking honestly with your partner may increase your overall satisfaction.

Some reasons to have a sex talk with your partner could include:

  • Lack of sexual satisfaction

  • Desire to try something new

  • Sexual dysfunction

  • Change in libido

  • Lack of intimacy or need for more affection

  • Feelings of sexual rejection or always having to initiate sex

  • Family planning

When to Talk About Sex

There is a time and place to discuss sex with your partner. Waiting for the right moment to address the topic can help you get around some of those feelings of discomfort or awkwardness that can be common during sex talks. You should also:

  • Pick a neutral location. Do not talk about sexual problems in your bedroom or at bedtime. Pick a more "neutral" location. Make sure the kids are not in earshot!

  • Avoid post-sex talks. Do not talk about sex right after having sex. Again, pick a more "neutral" time.

  • Avoid blindsiding your partner. If you want to talk about sexual problems, let your partner know (without placing blame) that you think the two of you need to have a talk about your sexual intimacy. Set up a time to have the talk.

How to Talk About Sex

There are some steps you can take to help make conversations about sex easier for both of you.

Have a "soft start" to the conversation. Begin with your goal to feel closer and connected with your spouse. Avoid blaming. Skip criticisms and focus on things you can both do to make your sex life more fulfilling.

Focus on Intimacy

Remember that affection and intimacy are just as important as the frequency of sex. There are ways to build intimacy and feel more connected beyond intercourse, so be sure to talk about your needs for other types of affection as well.

Skip the Surprises

You must be both on the same page, so you should always initiate those conversations first before springing any surprises on your partner. Talk about what you both might enjoy and fantasies you might have. If you do decide to introduce some of these into your relationship, research your options together.

If you do not want to create more problems in your sex life, don't purchase any sex advice books or sex toys without discussing the issue with your spouse first.

Express Yourself

Talk with one another about your expectations, your fears, your desires, and your concerns—and be honest. It is critical to talk about your innermost feelings about this.

Do not be afraid to talk about what you like sexually and what you don't like. Your comfort level is an important part of having a satisfying sex life.

Talk Often

Realize that you may need to have a few conversations and not just one long conversation. This is not a one-time conversation; it should be an ongoing discussion and a normal part of your relationship.

Talking to Your Husband or Wife About Difficult Topics

Hypnotherapy and NLP can help with sexual problems by addressing the psychological and emotional aspects associated with sex. This could be sexual anxiety over one's sexual performance, expectations of one's self or past experiences, which can all contribute to sexual difficulties and related sexual problems.

Sexual problems hypnotherapy can also address the dyanmics of the relationship between partners. The loss of libido can happen post-birth and during the upbringing of small children. Hypnotherapy for sexual problems can teach you to feel like a sexual being again not just a Mother, it can move you forward from any trauma experienced during childbirth to regain that intimacy and desire experienced previously with your partner.

Alternatively, you maybe experiencing sexual pain disorder, this is known as dyspareunia (painful intercourse) and vaginismus (an involuntary spasm of the muscles of the vaginal wall). Dyspareunia may be caused by insufficient lubrication (vaginal dryness) as a result of fear and anxiety about sex. Vaginismus is sometimes caused by past sexual trauma or negative sexual associations, however, this is not exclusive. Through our sexual problems hypnotherapy, we will work with the ‘unconscious’ to heal any possible trauma experienced, remove any anxiety around sex and utilise visualisation for you to begin to see yourself how you want to be. Anorgasmia is treated in a similar way, using a mixture of our sexual problems hypnotherapy and NLP to re-align the mind to allow intercourse to naturally progress to orgasm.

Using hypnotherapy and NLP you will begin to feel confident and relaxed in yourself and your body to enjoy a sexual, intimate relationship that feels good for you and alleviate any sexual anxiety.


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