Anxious Attachment and Its Impact on Emotional Availability:

•  As adults, we may have secure, anxious, dismissive or fearful attachment styles

• Attachment style is formed in childhood and relates to our relationship with our parents

• A challenging attachment style can affect relationships into adulthood

Attachment anxiety refers to the feelings of unease, worry, and apprehension that individuals experience regarding their relationships with significant others, including parents, friends, and partners. This form of anxiety is often rooted in early childhood experiences and the dynamics of attachment that develop during formative years. While researchers have not pinpointed all the specific causes of anxious attachment, it is widely believed that it can arise from a variety of negative experiences, such as inconsistent or neglectful parenting, emotional unavailability of caregivers, or traumatic events that disrupt the sense of safety and security in relationships.

Secure attachments with caregivers. Humans are relational beings who require interaction, stimulation and contact with others. The term attachment relates to how we seek closeness or intimacy with others. This includes the relationships we form and maintain with family members, friends and partners. The role of attachment is crucial in human functioning and affects the way we interact and work with others. An attachment is more than just a link between two individuals; it is a profound and significant bond characterised by regular interaction with the other person. Attachments are crucial for healthy psychological and emotional development. When children grow up in an environment where they feel safe, valued, and understood, they develop a strong sense of trust and self-worth. Conversely, poor attachment experiences during these early years can lead to a range of lasting effects that may manifest in various aspects of life. These effects can include difficulties in forming trusting relationships, heightened sensitivity to rejection, and challenges in managing emotions. Furthermore, the patterns established in childhood often carry over into adulthood, influencing how individuals interact with their partners, friends, and even colleagues. Adults with anxious attachment may exhibit clinginess, fear of abandonment, or a constant need for reassurance from their loved ones, which can strain relationships and lead to cycles of conflict and distress.

Anxious attachment, often referred to as ambivalent attachment, is recognised as one of the four primary attachment styles identified in attachment theory, alongside secure, avoidant, and disorganised attachment styles. Individuals with an anxious attachment style may find themselves caught in a push-and-pull dynamic in their relationships, where they crave closeness and intimacy but simultaneously fear that they will be rejected or abandoned. This internal conflict can lead to behaviors that may seem contradictory, such as seeking excessive closeness while also displaying jealousy or anxiety when their partner is not immediately available. Understanding these patterns is essential for both individuals experiencing attachment anxiety and those in relationships with them, as it can facilitate healthier communication and foster more supportive interactions.

The formation of attachments begins in the first few years of an infant’s life when they rely on their parents or caregivers to provide them with love and care and to protect them from harm in the world. Infants rely on their parents or caregivers to meet both their emotional and physical needs. When the infant has a need, they may express this through crying. In an ideal situation, the parent or caregiver recognises these needs and satisfies the need through attending to the infant.

It is within these interactions throughout the infant’s development that the infant is able to form an attachment with their parent or caregiver. In this attachment, they learn that the world is a safe place, and ideally form a secure base from which to explore the world. This attachment process is reciprocal, and the bond formed between caregiver and infant is one of deep nurturing.

Secure

Individuals with a secure attachment style were fortunate enough to have had parents or caregivers who were consistently responsive to their needs and enabled them to have a sense that they can be self-reliant and also reach out to others when necessary. They can confidently seek fulfilment in their lives and are more likely to be able to manage stress and difficulty. These individuals tend to have positive relationships with others and are more able to manage care, love and experience nurturing relationships. They will be more able to feel comfortable with both intimacy and independence.

Insecure / Anxious-preoccupied

Individuals with anxious-preoccupied attachments will tend to desire emotionally intimate contact with others but find that others may often be reluctant to be as intimate as they would like. They may be uncomfortable without close relationships but also worry they value others much more than others value them. They will often seek high levels of intimacy, approval and responsiveness from others. They will tend to value intimacy so much that they become overly dependent on their partners. Anxious-preoccupied individuals tend to have much less positive views about themselves and feel a sense of anxiety which may only lessen when in contact with their partner. Often they will doubt their worth as a partner and may blame themselves when their partner or friend is not responsive to their needs.

Dismissive-avoidant

Individuals who have a dismissive-avoidant attachment style are more likely to be emotionally removed, distant or disengaged. They can tend to believe that their needs are probably not going to be met by the people in their lives. These individuals can sense that they are slightly withdrawn from others and are not comfortable in relationships. These individuals are also more likely to remain in situations that they find comfortable and safe, not situations which are new or potentially difficult. In their younger years, these individuals had parents who were mainly disengaged from them. They may have been left to cry for extended periods as a baby, which may have been done to promote independence. The child then learns that their needs are unlikely to be met, and therefore, for self-protection, they withdraw and stop reaching out.

Fearful-avoidant

Individuals with a fearful-avoidant attachment style often have a history of trauma or loss, such as childhood sexual abuse, leading to mixed feelings about intimacy. They desire closeness but find emotional intimacy uncomfortable and struggle to trust or depend on others, fearing potential hurt. These individuals typically harbor negative self-perceptions, viewing themselves as unworthy of their partner's responsiveness. Consequently, they struggle to seek intimacy, distrust their partner's intentions, and find it challenging to express affection.

How can therapy help

Adult attachment styles are often not immediately apparent. Therapy offers a safe and non-judgmental environment to explore attachments in adulthood.

Addressing the root causes of issues and helping individuals change their perception patterns can result in more fulfilling interpersonal experiences. By using various therapeutic approaches, such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), and hypnotherapy, individuals can significantly improve their relationships and explore any attachment styles they wish to change.